Romance ... candlelight and roses.  A lovely fantasy. And certainly 'romantic'. But nothing is more misleading. When we are teenagers we tend to believe that every infatuation is 'love'. As we mature we come to realize that while infatuation may well be pleasurable at times and heart wrenching at others it doesn't  even come close to defining love.

A lasting love must be based  on friendship and trust  which sustains  once the initial glow of attraction and  excitement loses its lustre. Only with such a foundation will a relationship survive the pitfalls of life.  It sounds like a cliché but it is profoundly true, life is never easy and only when you know that  the one with whom you share your life is indeed the one person you can depend  on to be there no matter what comes your way,  and you would have it no other way, will you truly know love.

 Certainly we all love romance  and nothing has come to represent that more than candlelight and roses but I'll take the warm glance, the comforting embrace, and the sharing of those moments of togetherness which make coping with life less difficult simply because your life partner is at your side. Knowing your best friend is also the one with whom you share your life makes everything seem easier during the bad times and enhances the pleasure of the good times immeasurably.

 Why is it that we sometimes take so long to understand this ? When we are young we allow superficiality to confuse us and so often use all the wrong criteria to define what we are looking for in a husband or wife. So many failed marriages could be avoided if only we were born wise.  Unfortunately only living brings a degree of wisdom to most of us. I suppose there are those fortunate enough to choose wisely even though they may be young and who will go through life knowing they  have a soul mate for life but the failure rate of marriages today would seem to indicate that we too often have allowed the glow of infatuation to cloud our judgement.

Sadly when this is the case we are not the only ones who suffer. Our children are the ones who ultimately pay for our failures. They need the security of a loving home and parents who truly 'like' one another. You can love someone and still not like them contrary to  what we have always been led to believe you know. But the ' love ' soon fades if friendship  and mutual respect don't exist. When this happens  it is easy in today's world to  simply sever the ties and begin a new life.  This was not always so and marriages endured because there was no other choice. Our grandparents knew that  successful marriages were often hard work  but they persevered and in the majority of cases  they found that in doing so together ... they found a path which led to peace, affection, and mutual respect which time would not erase. 

Today its too easy to walk away when there isn't that strong unbreakable bond between a man and a woman and that may well say a great deal about all the problems faced by youngsters in this fast paced world into which we have introduced them. Helpless, innocent and only needing love and continuity to assure they begin life's journey with half a chance of having a happy and successful life. They need the example of  loving parents to guide them and most of all they need the love of both Mommy and Daddy.. together. If Daddy or Mommy are angry or unhappy all the time who bears the brunt of the fallout? They do , of course. Even if only peripherally. And this fosters resentment and anger and feelings of overwhelming insecurity even if they do not  understand why they feel as they do.

Certainly there are families where this is inevitable and even persevering will not change things but the vast majority of such situations are caused by  poor judgement  when making such a life changing decision as choosing a life's companion. If only more care was taken when we were enjoying the candlelight and roses  and instead chose to seek  someone we would like as much twenty years  later as we do  as we bask in the glow of those candles.

Hindsight is always easy  I know  but sharing your life with your best and most cherished friend is among the most fulfilling scenarios you will ever experience. I highly recommend it. 'Come grow old along with me, the best is yet to be' may  well  be old fashioned rhetoric to some  but the words are as true today as they were when Browning wrote them so very long ago.

I don't deny the need for romance in relationships, I am in many ways very much a romantic, perhaps what I am saying is that romance comes in many forms, some not as overt as others but nevertheless infinitely pleasing to one's very soul. Flowers fade, candles burn away,  the love between soul mates never leaves you.